Secrets of the Bathroom Cabinet (Non-Sexy Edition)

These are my unseen heroes – 10 Health and Beauty Products That Elevate My Routine and Well-being (Non-Sexy Edition).

Be warned, these things aren’t pretty. So much so, that if you and I were dating, there is no way on planet earth you would know I owned these things, let alone used them. But they are part of my clandestine ritual to look and feel my best and I wont give them up. Not ever. So without further ado, let’s have a sneaky look in my secret bathroom cabinet.

(I have provided links to the products I use)

1. Snore Patches

Mouth tape this, mouth tape that, but no one seems to rave about the good old OG snore patch. Yes, they are associated with overweight middle aged men who keep their wives up at night with their fog horn like snoring, but if you’ve not got on this bandwagon, you’re missing a trick. They are cheap, readily available online and in pharmacies everywhere, and they stop you mouth breathing when asleep. And you don’t have to tape your mouth shut. Wake up at night and need a drink of water, no stress with a snore patch (less fun with mouth tape)! I buy these ones, and they are a pinky beige colour (also available in clear), perfect camouflage when I slip one of these beauties on whilst the man i’m trying to act normal around continues sleeping without any knowledge. But in all seriousness, these have improved my sleep quality more than anything, they’re reasonably priced, accessible and there’s no drugs or chemicals to be spoken of. No more mouth breathing for me!

2. Nasal rinse

Sticking with the nose theme, a nightly nasal rinse has helped sort my sinuses right out. As a sensitive nose girl, with hay-fever, dust allergies and a tendency to have sinusitis, this helps keep my passageways clear so I am not a daytime mouth breather. Also, a bit grim, but living in zone 1 London your nose is full of all sorts of pollution as soon as step outside, so this keeps me clean. I use this the Sterimar Congestion Relief, which is enriched with copper.

3. Jolene

No, not the one Dolly sang about, but instead the one I sing about as I lighten the dark hair that plagues my body. As a pale brunette girl, dark hair is something that has haunted my whole existence. I have invested a lot of money in getting all the hair lasered from my body, but there are some areas which remain as they always have. No.1 my moustache and no. 2 my arm hair. So every 8 weeks I grab my trusty Jolene and lighten the remaining hair on my body. It isn’t for everyone, and people shouldn’t feel like they have to, but it is just something I like to do to make me feel less self-conscious. I jump between the OG Jolene and Boots and Superdrug’s own brand, depending on offers and what’s available when I am desperate to moonlight as a blonde.

4. Tongue Scraper

Even the name is a bit of an ick, but brushing twice daily and flossing is not enough for me, I like to have a sparkling clean mouth, and there is nothing more satisfying than giving my tongue a good scraping to get rid of bacteria and other bits to make sure my breath is fresh and my mouth is uber clean.

5. Intimate Wipes

Nobody likes to get caught out down there after a long day of work, or just when you’re not feeling too fresh. And as a single girl who is dating in London, you never know when he might be the one. So I keep these handy single use sachets in different handbags and strategically placed around my flat in case I get the call up. Yes, I know that we don’t need to clean down there too ferociously as we self-clean, but sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

5. Kimchi

A bit of a weird one to throw in the mix, and not one I use non-traditionally, but for the past few months I’ll make myself a little snack of 50g of Kimchi whilst I make my dinner, just to keep that gut ticking along and healthy. Everyone who raves about kimchi and the wonders it works for your stomach and to keep things regular weren’t lying. And I tell you what, as a millennial women who grew up being told Bridget Jones was obese and encouraged to try all these dangerous diets and eating habits, my gut needs all the help it can get!

6. Simple Smoothing Gel Cleanser with 5% AHA and Hyaluronic Acid

Not the sexiest thing to have in the shower, and one that is hidden behind my Naturium and L’occitane products, but this has been a game changer in my body exfoliation routine. Twice a week I lather this stuff over my body in the shower and my skin texture has improved massively! It is cheap, simple (true to its name) and is a product I will continue to buy on repeat.

7. Tea Tree Oil

What’s unsexy about tea tree oil I hear you ask? Well, nothing, but what I use it for is definitely not sexy. If like me you’ve had cheap nail polish on your toes for years which has resulted in discolouration, then you need to get yourself some tea tree oil! When I give my unsightly nails a break from polish, each night I will get a cotton pad, a few drops of tea tree and smother my toes in it. The result is that it has improved my nail beds, the colour of the nails and my overall nail health. So much so that maybe one day soon i’ll be confident enough to get my wee toes (and nails) out without anything to hide them!

8. Glycolic Acid

If you are on social media with an algorithm for beauty tips and tricks there is literally no way you will have missed people raving about The Ordinary’s glycolic acid. And for good reason. Twice a week (on night’s I don’t use the Simple Lactic Acid cleanser), I douse myself in this stuff. It has un-cracked my heels, smoothed my upper arms and helped with discolouration under my arm pits – and it is so cheap! After I finish my current bottle I am going to try out The Inkey List’s stick form applicator to see how that works. But I am not going back to how life was before I worked glycolic acid into my routine.

9. Toilet Stool

Foldable so easy to store when you have company. Potentially the least sexy of these products, but also one that is a total winner. Similarly to the kimchi addition to my routine, after years of yoyo dieting and toxic weight culture, my stomach is shot, and that means sometimes I have trouble going to the loo. This stool helps get your legs at an angle that makes going to the toilet easier, and makes the general experience less of a traumatic event. 10/10 would recommend.

10. Ear drops

Are you deaf? Or do you just need to clean your ears? You probably just need to clean your ears, and this stuff is effective, gross and fun to use.

So there you have it, 10 essential products that elevate my routine and well-being, albeit on the slightly embarrassing side. I am super keen to hear if anyone has any other similar recommendations – so please let me know!